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In an effort to save everyone the trouble (not to mention the awkward moments when I bust you peering through my kitchen window at the back of my house), I’ve decided to put it all out there for everyone to see. I do know, however, that the gossips will gossip and that while I am a grown woman who answers only to me, it is sometimes less work to be blunt.

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Still, what they tell you may not mean anything if they're continuing to have sex with other people.

If you are involved, sexually, in a non-monogamous relationship, these discussions are critical.

If you're not sure if you could have been exposed, you should also be tested. If your partner says, "I've never been tested," you might want to wait to sleep with them until their answer changes.

In this day and age, when free, anonymous testing is easily available, there is no reason not to be tested regularly. It's all very well and good to ask for your future sexual partner's STD status.

This is a personal choice that each widow must make for herself. I was very up front with them and told them how I felt and what was going on.

I did sweat a little over starting to date after only a couple months. Of course I waited several months to make sure it was more of a serious relationship before I opened up to them.

Doctors are sometimes reluctant to test other STDs, such as syphilis or trichomoniasis, unless you have symptoms or know that you have been exposed. Just remember, if someone says they have been tested for STDs, they should be able to tell you what diseases they've been tested for.

If they can't, they're probably mistaken about having been tested.

Current guidelines from the CDC recommend that individuals be screened for HIV as part of their routine healthcare visits.

If you have had any possible exposure to HIV through unprotected sex, sharing needles, or other exposure to bodily fluids, you should be tested. Furthermore, free testing is available at numerous locations.

I wipe my slick palms against the thigh of my jeans, gnawing nervously on my thumb’s shredded hang nail. What’s it like to date again after you are widowed? And, to be frank, I had zero interest in ever being in it again. I fumbled, made some mistakes, and, yes, had some fun too.

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