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Believe it or not, thinking someone is out of your league can also be a kind of pickiness. We don’t have to worry about feeling hurt or rejected when we’re the one who’s saying no.
Assumptions like: “They’re too good for me” or “I’m not smart/interesting/attracting [insert self-critical thought here] enough” can often be another sign of pickiness—and can make us more likely to dismiss potential partners too quickly.
Do you have trouble deciding what to eat when you go out to restaurants? What about bigger life decisions, like what to do for work or where you want to live?
If so, your pickiness when it comes to dating might have less to do with having high standards in terms of potential partners and more to do with an overall difficulty making decisions or knowing what you want. Dreaming about the future and the way dates might turn out is part of the fun and helps us stay motivated and optimistic. It might seem counterintuitive, but this kind of thinking can create pressure that actually makes us even pickier.
We also likely have a better idea what or who it is we’re looking for, and we don’t want to feel like we’re wasting time.
As our friends begin to settle down, it can also feel like there’s pressure to find the right person.
It’s easy to feel discouraged and turn someone down when the conversation or date didn’t go exactly the way we expected or hoped it would.
Having unrealistic expectations can also take away from how good the date actually was.
To take some of the pressure off, it can be helpful to think about all the other things we can get out of dating– a fun night out, a new friend or connection, brushing up on our dating skills, and yes, even trying a new coffee shop, restaurant, or bar.
You never know, if things don’t work out between the two of you, you’re still expanding your social network and they might be willing to introduce you to someone else.
Alternatively, we might predictably decide to call it quits after one or two dates.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating