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They knew how to use “I statements,” listen to the whole person, and use active listening.They were often fine, caring men and women, but they had serious difficulty living together happily- not at the beginning, but after several years. For example, one night a week she goes to a prayer group and he plays his favorite sport. Try a short exercise to determine how close you and your spouse are on basic marriage values.

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constantine tzortzis dating - Dating with christian values

Likewise, if one spouse believes that career is the top priority and the other puts family first, the argument will be eternal- either by outward criticism and fighting or by going underground with general dissatisfaction or depression.

Whether one spouse should stay home with young children is a subcategory of this issue. Sometimes evil needs to be confronted, even with violence.

Different beliefs about respect for human life and other moral values are deeply rooted. I’ll give, but only after I’ve taken care of myself.

Getting new information and talking through differences usually only lead spouses to realize that they have vastly different life goals and values.

I’m not sure if that makes us experts or outdated and, therefore, irrelevant.

I can tell you the obvious – that times have changed and we have changed.

I tell my students that it’s fine to differ on one or two elements of the Myers- Briggs Type Indicator, but if you differ on three or four and the differences are great, you’ll probably have a lot of stress in your marriage. If one spouse values a simple lifestyle and the other values accumulating wealth, it doesn’t matter how well they communicate, their basic life orientation will present constant opportunities for conflict.

If one spouse values faith and the other resents religion, conflict is inevitable. I believe in being flexible and spontaneous, not being uptight.

Early in my career, when I taught high school or college students about marriage, I’d say that communication was the key in choosing a mate and keeping a marriage healthy. Good communication is not enough Yes, good communication is essential to a thriving marriage, BUT, it is not sufficient and probably not the most important criteria for choosing a mate.

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