Teen advice on dating older guys

Recently a client of mine who is 17, started dating a 23 year old man, and while the age difference isn’t drastic, one has to think, what would a 23 year old man who could date anyone 18 and up, want with a 17 year old high school student? Of course they had a lot of that, often unprotected, but luckily she never got pregnant although she hasn’t gotten tested for any sexually transmitted diseases.

I told her when she initially talked about him pursuing her, his reason was that there aren’t any girls 21 and up that were “cool”, that there just wasn’t something right about a man who should be on the verge of finishing college, dating someone who’s in high school.

If they were good, she was happy, going to class, doing good.

If he was ignoring her, she was depressed, missing class, consumed with anxiety.

During the teenage years, young people are trying to come into their own and often rebel against their parents and other adults, which is why they often chose friends and relationships that their parents disapprove of, including dating older men.

I hate when I am working with a teenage girl and she tells me she is dating an older man, usually because I know that this relationship, while to her may be idyllic and dreamy, is more often a disaster waiting to happen on so many levels.

I told her that had to say something about his motives, personality, etc., but of course she didn’t see this as a red flag, but was instead flattered that someone who could date anyone his age or older, chose to date her.

After several months of bliss and sex, he started treating her badly and her moods were very erratic, varied by however they were doing at the moment.

There are not only psychological risks involved with dating an older man and trying to fit into an adult world precociously, there are also dangers of being exposed to drugs, alcohol, abuse, and an increase rate of sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.

Young teenage girls who contract sexually transmitted diseases often get them from older boyfriends.

Women get stick for being the obsessive, crazy sex, but in my experience, it’s the opposite. ‘Younger guys aren’t as forceful or bothered.’ On top of this, the older guys had no chat. My penchant for the younger lad also probably has a lot to do with the fact I’m pretty immature for my age – I was a very late developer so always feel like I’m a good few years behind everyone else.

Why have we let our gender be tarnished with this lie for so long? When some girls were having sex, I hadn’t even started my period.

Having an older boyfriend also becomes a status symbol, a way for the teenage girl to say that she is already grown-up and part of the adult world. Because of this, it may make it easier for her to start neglecting things like her peers and school work.

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